Marriage is one of the most beautiful gifts God gives us—a sacred bond that calls us to love one another as Christ loves us. But as every married couple knows, it’s not always easy. Life can bring unexpected challenges, hardships, and moments of vulnerability. In those moments, Trey and I try to be a “soft place to land” for each other. 

We have learned through our own experiences that marriage thrives when we intentionally cultivate a space where we can feel safe, supported, and loved—no matter what season we’re in. We know we’re not perfect and we’re both broken and yet we vowed to love each other through it all. It’s a practice we continue to work on every day, and today I want to share a bit about how we strive to be that safe and forgiving space for each other through marriage’s highs and lows.

What Does It Mean to Be a ‘Soft Place to Land’?

At its core, being a “soft place to land” means receiving your spouse in a way where they feel seen, heard, and loved—without judgment. It’s a space of tenderness, understanding, and compassion. Usually it comes up if your spouse has hurt you in some way, or fallen back on an old sin, or is struggling with something personal– your spouse should know they can come to you and be fully embraced.

Just as God calls us to “be kind and compassionate to one another” (Ephesians 4:32), being that soft place is about embodying Christ’s unconditional love for our spouse. It’s about showing up, listening well, and offering comfort in both the good and hard times. Marriage is an opportunity for us be a vessel of the Father’s love to one another. God gives us His unconditional mercy and love, even though we mess up and turn away from Him time and time again– we don’t deserve it, yet He gives it to us freely. In marriage, we are called to be a mirror of that merciful love, forgiving and loving with our spouse when they come to us seeking forgiveness and help with their struggle, whatever it may be.

Be Present and Be Patient

One of the ways Trey and I cultivate a safe space is by being fully present with each other. Life is busy, and it’s easy to get distracted by work, to-do lists, or even social media. But when one of us needs the other, we make it a priority to be fully there.

Whether it’s listening to each other’s thoughts after a long day or processing something one of us is struggling with, or celebrating an exciting victory, we put the phones down and give each other our full attention. This intentional presence helps your spouse feel valued and important. 

Patience is just as important. Marriage has a way of exposing our imperfections and sinfulness. When one of us is struggling with something we’ve learned the value of listening first before jumping to solutions or judgment. Sometimes, all we need is to be heard and understood instead of being told what we could be doing better or how to solve the problem. Encouragement and advice on how to grow can be helpful, but we have noticed that listening and seeking to understand your spouse’s emotions and struggles goes a long way before telling them how to improve.

Speak Words That Uplift, Not Tear Down

In marriage, our words hold incredible power. They can either build our spouse up or tear them down. When we choose words that are gentle, encouraging, and loving, we build up our spouse and communicate how much we admire them and are proud to be their wife/husband.

Women especially *tend* to be more critical than men, making it more common for wives to criticize their husbands and nitpick them. However, so many women wish their husband would take more of a lead in their marriage and family, or would be more confident in their decisions, or would take more ownership of things in their home. Ladies– if we focus on speaking words that lift our husbands up we will likely get more of that behavior we are hoping for because he will feel valued and respected! The more we use our words to tear him down– the more we attack his masculinity and leave him feeling incapable.

Trey and I try to practice speaking with kindness, even in moments of frustration. This doesn’t mean we avoid hard conversations—it means we approach those conversations with humility and a desire for resolution, not attack. And trust me, we are NOT perfect at this, we are continually working on using a loving tone, or saying uplifting words and criticizing less. Remember, we’re on the journey with ya at a solid 4 years of marriage haha!

We also make a point to regularly express gratitude for each other. Whether it’s thanking Trey for something small like making me a tea or affirming his strengths in our work or marriage, I know those little words of affirmation build him up and make him feel respected. And when he does the same for me, it helps me feel loved, seen and cherished!

Offer Grace & Be A Team

One of the biggest lessons we’ve learned is that grace is essential. We’re both human, which means we both fall short at times. We make mistakes, we misunderstand each other, and we have moments where we’re not our best selves.

In those moments, offering grace is critical. Just as Christ forgives us endlessly, we’re called to extend that same forgiveness to each other. This doesn’t mean ignoring hurt feelings—it means choosing to work through them with compassion and a willingness to move forward together.

For us, offering grace has also meant learning to say “I’m sorry” and “I forgive you” sincerely and often. These words are healing, and they remind us that love covers a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8).

If there is an argument that is escalating or if we are stuck in a season of bickering or misunderstanding each other– our strategy is to remind ourselves that we are on the same team. This phrase never fails to bring our guards down and see each other with more love and compassion. We remind each other that we love each other, we don’t mean to hurt each other, and we are literally wanting to be on the same team– to help each other come to an understanding and feel loved by one another again. It may take some vulnerability to be the first to say it, but it works every time, and the conversation takes a turn from defending yourself to understanding the other person.

It’s Also About Being Their Cheerleader

Being a soft place to land isn’t just about supporting each other in hard times—it’s also about celebrating the joys and wins of life together. Whether it’s a big milestone or a small victory, Trey and I try to be each other’s biggest cheerleaders. I love this trend on Instagram that says “He was clapping so loud I didn’t realize who wasn’t.”

It’s the idea that your spouse celebrates you so well that you’re not seeking the validation from anyone around you and you feel cherished and celebrated by the one you love most. 

We make time to acknowledge each other’s successes and express genuine excitement for the other. This practice helps build trust and deepens our friendship and strengthens the concept that we’re a team, here to lift each other up no matter what life brings.

Being a soft place to land doesn’t come naturally every day. It’s a choice—a daily decision to love our spouse with patience, compassion, and grace. It’s a choice to show up, listen well, speak kindly, offer forgiveness, and celebrate fully.

Trey and I are far from perfect, but by striving to cultivate a safe, loving space for each other, we’ve experienced deeper intimacy, trust, and joy in our marriage. And with God at the center, we know that even when life brings its challenges, we’ll always have a soft place to land in each other’s arms.